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Pregnancy and Sex I – Surprising changes

By on Oct 12, 2014 in Dominance/submission, Touch in Real Life | 0 comments

Pregnancy and the changes it caused for my sexual desires surprised me possibly the most. When realising that there would be an Infant Inconvenience (to borrow from Gail Carriger) I expected morning sickness which lasts all day, the soar breasts and mood swings (still waiting on those). I did not expect the changes it would wreck on my sexlife. I am not talking about a change in my libido (though nausea and sex drive did not mix well for a few weeks) but in the way I react to sex. I have become softer, am more drawn into myself. I shy away from rougher play but need the feeling of restraint, of being held more. I have little tendency towards esoteric musings as to the mother concentrating on the child or the softer nature of mothers as reason for my strange mental withdrawal – it is something more fundamental. It is fear. Am I happy about being pregnant? Yes – but I am also...

Pregnancy – somewhere between utter joy and utter terror

By on Oct 12, 2014 in Pregnancy | 1 comment

So, I have been gone for a few weeks without a word or explanation. Life got a little complicated. I am pregnant. Was it planned? Contrary to the panic which seems to be underlying the utter joy – it was kind of planned. But this is besides the point here. The point here is not even the strange mix of elation and terror. Or my absence. My point is that I seem to be unable to access any non-scientific literature which communicates any form of information of the state of pregnancy without myth, hearsay or cutsieness. It’s not that I mind reading academic literature but to understand what is happening to me I would need to acquire at least two more degrees, one in medicine, and I doubt this will be a viable plan in the six months time span remaining to me. So, I need an alternative. And one which does not drive me up the wall. One which does not call me “Mummy”, please. The infant...

The Physical Side of Trust – Being Held

By on Aug 17, 2014 in Dominance/submission, Touch in Real Life | 0 comments

There is a curious sense of safety in being held, being surrounded, being restrained. It already is in a hug, the promise and the threat. Why do I use the word threat? Because that is part of it. It is the threat of another stepping in when you yourself do not trust yourself in doing it yourself. Sometimes the world spins too fast, duties and requirements, praise and successes, the constant possible failures all covalence into a miasma of soundless buzz and all you can do is run, take care of the next thing, fulfil the next duty. That is life and it is not a bad thing necessarily. It’s where that crazy drive to succeed comes from, what teaches you to believe into being able to do anything. But the problem is, you can never stop it. And you can never show anyone that you are not absolutely in charge, in control because if they ever think you are not absolutely certain of yourself then...

Temper, Time and Temperature

By on Jul 22, 2014 in Dominance/submission, Erotica and Feminism, Feminism and Theory, Feminist Perceptions, social criticism, Touch in Real Life, Women in History, Writing Erotica | 0 comments

Alright, this is a completely unrelated post to any of the usual categories – it is a life post. I have started a new job, which is fun, but the five hours commute each day are giving me strange insight in the human nature (don’t worry, I only commute for another week, then I will stop the senseless philosophising). So, my life is in shambles. I get up at 4.30 and tend to return at around 9 – five hours of which I am spending in transit in one way or another. In a heat wave. Some things can be said here: • I have a new appreciation for deodorant and think it should be handed out at the door of ever train • Temperature is supposed to make people angry – if that is the case then commuters are the most placid people on the planet. • England is incredibly beautiful in summer. • And I need more sleep. Keeping that in mind I will now go off and sleep – and promise an...

The Physical Side of Trust III – a world full of touch

By on Jul 14, 2014 in Dominance/submission, Touch in Real Life | 0 comments

Physical trust, instincts and touch — the promised continuation of the posts on how trust can be, and in my case has to be, reinforced when life is a little too much for me. My original point was that sometimes our instincts have nothing to do with rational thought or the knowledge that we trust the person we love, they withdraw, hide from the word because the world is too overwhelming. I then argued that the most common ways of classifying what works on me can be summarised in four groups: lack of sigh, touch, requests/favours and lack of movement. This is particularly important when we play with elements of what is often classifies under BDSM (and if you ask nicely I might even tell you why I am always so shy using that classification when applied to me). Two weeks ago I talked about lack of sight, closing with the argument that this form of trust building is most effective when...

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