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Dominance and submission in Current Erotic Fiction

By on Jan 21, 2015 in Dominance/submission, Writing Erotica | 0 comments

Erotica and Erotic Romance has increasingly discovered BDSM and D/s power exchange – which, as I enjoy reading, I consider as a good thing. But, over the recent months, I have come to realise that the tenor of the representation of the scenarios has changed. This might be based on the books I choose to read, which are mainly recommendations from others but I doubt it, as even a perusal of Amazon’s recent publications seems to lend itself to my supposition. Rather than allowing characters to develop physically and emotionally in the D/s dynamics but rather stresses more and more extreme physical scenarios. I can very much like a good kidnap scenario but there are mental elements which can be very arousing, or damaging, when ignored even in fiction. There are claims that almost 90% of sexual arousing for a woman occurs first on the mental, and only then on the physical, plane. This...

An apology to Gags.

By on Jan 18, 2015 in Dominance/submission, Touch in Real Life | 0 comments

I hate gags. I truly do. Not only has their use never aroused me, it has always bothered me enough that I have discouraged them in play. They have never affected me enough, emotionally or physically, to refuse their use, though I need to be in a safe place in my mind not to freak at least a little. But my lack of enthusiasm and reaction, has always meant that my partners have never considered the gag a favourite, or even common, toy. That might have been different if the men in question would have particularly liked the gags but to my luck, they did not. This is in particular interesting as the gag, just as cuffs and blindfolds, have been the first things I experimented with as early as my first boyfriend. Not unusual, most women start out that way. Imagine my surprise when my partner gave me one of my Christmas presents – a gag. I am almost certain I would have given him a...

Cuffs, Bonds and Pregnancy

By on Dec 30, 2014 in Dominance/submission, Pregnancy | 2 comments

Cuffs, bonds, bondage of any kind and pregnancy have to be considered with a little more care than at other times – both physically and emotionally. There are three aspects in need of consideration: the health of mother and child, the changes in the woman’s body which affect her physical comfort levels and the emotional aspect pregnancy can have on her reactions. The first is undoubtedly the most important, though the other two also matter in a consensual relationship. The health of mother and child is a consideration that should underly pretty much everything done when playing and in regards to cuffs and bonds is in particularly important as it affects blood circulation. A pregnant woman has 25% to 40% more blood than she had prior to pregnancy. This is a result of the increased demand on the pregnant body to provide nutrients and oxygen to the foetus and the womb. Any form of...

Deep-throating, Gags and Pregnancy

By on Dec 30, 2014 in Dominance/submission, Pregnancy | 1 comment

Very fews pregnant women consider that giving a blow-job, or using a gag, in anyway something they might have to think about now that they carry a child. Breathplay – yes; gags – no. I did not either. So, are there any issues with gags, deep-throating and pregnancy? From a straightforward health perspective there seems to be no initial question that either would be bad for you. Of course not. Semen, high in protein, might even add to the balanced diet ;). And gags, as long as they do not limit oxygen intake, are fun toys. But there are some things to consider – and if it is only for your own dignity. Yep, dignity. It does not often have anything to do with sex but there are situations in which its worth considering. At least if you want to have a repeat performance with your partner. I admit that in the first few months sex was, often, a half hearted endeavour and I...

Dominance/submission – classifications without tolerance?

By on Nov 29, 2014 in Dominance/submission | 1 comment

Within academic circles, dominance and submission is, in turns, conceptualised either as highly stable individual characteristics (temperament, character, genetics) or as highly dynamic properties of situations (relationship dynamics, trauma, life circumstances)(Burgoon and Dunbar 2000). In many of these characteristics, one or both of the character traits have been presented with a more negative slant; the analysis often leading to presenting the dominant as lacking social boundaries and the submissive as lacking personal strength (Orford 1986). Though there have been attempts at presenting a more balanced view the temptation of polarisation still persists. Interestingly, popular media and recent portrayal of Dominance and Submission is even more singular in its representation. It is generally seen as a genetic condition separation the world, some people more so than others. When it...

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